If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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