Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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