We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
