If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
