Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
