why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
