i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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