They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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