I CAN MOONWALK!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dick very happy bro
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
