Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
