He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
