so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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