direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
