Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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