anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
