I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
