you guys were way drunker than both of me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
