All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
