I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
