Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
