:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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