I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
