found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
