Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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