I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
