Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
