He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You're like the curious george of whores
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
