I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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