She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize