so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He has the fingertips of a God
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