So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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