I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
