Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
