Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
