I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My pussy is not your playground.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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