I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just threw up on my dentist
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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