I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
