At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
