Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
