wakey wakey hands off snakey
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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