so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
