I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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