Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
