If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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