I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
