well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
