i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize