I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Someone shit on the floor
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
