he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
