Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
