capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just google imaged poop.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
