i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
