so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
