he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
