Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize