I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
