I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
