She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
