we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
