I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize