so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
