Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
