based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Randomize
