Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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