wakey wakey hands off snakey
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
