It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
