i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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