i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
