i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
