Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
