Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
