turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize