with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Vodka?
Forever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
