Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
