I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
