Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
