I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
