Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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